‘‘I bet there’s nothing but love sick dolls out there’’
Two post nuke private dicks seek fun loving future chicks in this after the bomb blast from the past.
Saved from the nuclear explosion by their guardians Spade Chandler (George Kennedy) and Dash Hammer (Don Murray), pre teen friends Philip Chandler (John Stockwell) and Marlowe Hammer (Michael Dudikoff) spend fifteen years locked away in a protective underground shelter. 2010 April 1st, all fools day indeed, the friends emerge from their protective incarceration as young men. Self educated over the elapsed period of time, fed on a diet of old detective movies and dance themed music, as collected by their two dads. Free to explore a strange new environment they set off into the desolated landscape, behind the wheel of an American open topped classic car. They’re hungry for a good time and girls, as well as an answer to why their two custodians left them alone to survive, and if indeed the two men are in fact their fathers at all !?. Its gumshoes to the floor futuristic fun and holocaust hi-jinks, as Philip and Marlowe are free from ‘The Big Sleep’ exiled from the real world, and primed to detect a new life for themselves. For their dads then, ‘the world that they hated … was the world they wanted’.
As soon as Phil and Marlowe put rubber to the rubble they are beset by Mad Max extras, marauding the wastelands for anything and anyone that comes into their cross hairs. The two nuke newbies rescue a feisty maiden in distress. Miles Archer (Lisa Blount), fending off mutants and leading the way for the future of feminist freedom fighters, deftly deploying a fist to Marlowe’s chin. They strive to rescue Miles, but who is going to save them from her !?. She takes advantage of a distraction and slips away, but their paths are destined to cross again in the very near future. The boys have double trouble to contend with as motorcycle riding crazies, sporting florescent pink fright wigs to cover their follicle free scalps, bring mass mayhem. These beyond thunder dome heads don’t need another hero to contend with, so ensues an Action packed chase, backed by a pumping Eighties music soundtrack.
Marlowe and Phil catch the knee high nukes unawares and team up with Rusty, who shows them the way to Edge City. She warns them that they need to be within the city confines before dark, as after night fall the myriad of mutants come out to feast !. Learning a little about each other Rusty divulges that she knows of the boys fathers, and that both Hammer and Chandler are still alive !. Phil and Marlowe, more than ever, wish to seek them out and Edge City may just have the answers they are looking for.
Playing out like a futuristic metaphorical version of Abbott and Costello meet the mutant warriors of the wasteland, Radioactive Dreams works its cheaply made charm a treat.
With our detective duo seeking out their wayfaring custodial parents, Rusty naively leads them into a set up that has Phil fighting off the advances of a flesh craving cannibal cult, hungry for him and the keys that he unwittingly holds about his person. It’s time for the hardy boys to drop Nancy Drew, throw the cannibals a bone to pick and get out of dodge. Easier said than done when all of the city gangs are honing in on the opportunity to lay claim to the nuclear devices ignition, along with the bordering regions bounty hunters too. Time for some Mack Sennett like chase sequences, including one great moment of sheer out of nowhere brilliance. A Godzilla like mutant creature rises up out of a sewer, to within nose distance of Marlowe’s startled face, in a viewing whoop and holler moment of tape rewind necessity. This is sheer ‘B’ movie brilliance. Less of a Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller - C.H.U.D (1984) and more of a Rodent Agitated Terminator - R.A.T (Soon to be in development). One great big dirty rat that even a machine gun blazing James Cagney would have to high tail it from. Anyone familiar with another cult classic, Hell Comes To Frog Town (1988) will find this just as infectiously ‘ribbeting’.
Phil’s wanton moll Rusty, having seen the error of her ways, pleads with them, ‘‘They’ll kill you Phil !’’ to which Phil retorts, ‘‘Yea, I’d like to see them try !’’. Classic delivery.
It’s showdown at the dilapidated labouring warehouse, where the only thing that works now are the gangs and dealers. Its out with the old and in with the new as Phil and Marlowe learn the truth behind the past with their pa’s. Miles Archer spits her voluptuous venom, and the boys get to say hello to their little friends the Disco Mutants, as the diddy duo join the party, all seeking to have control of the nuclear missile keys. A brilliant all Action climax to end proceedings on a high note, leaving just enough time to tie up loose ends, and Phil to finish his talk over monologue that pops up occasionally throughout the movie. He’s a decent guy, and even though his gal done him wrong you just know that Phil will get to nail Rusty !.